Only Zoda could wind me up so much that I reach the realms of delierria. However you spell it, I don't care.
I'm so angry at the world and the world is angry at me. Fever reaching new heights, and lets add in some sick. Due to high blood pressure, nose bleeds ahve been happening too. And due to exces stress been passing out too... So that would be half the reasons for absence in the world of JC. Sorry... This physics thing is so getting to me. 'It's taking over my life!!!'
So today I woke up at 8am... nausea lol. Luckily nothing came up 'ew ew ew ew' but I've roasting at a temp of 38.6 today. It's... warm. Not hospital worthy though lol.
So what with being awake so early and wiping away all tear stains lol I decided to mess with the camera and this bright pink lippy and a hair band and this pale blusher thing (make up is beyond me >.<). I havent taken a pic in god knows how long haha. So yeah. Click the link... if you want to ^~.

( Read more... )

Well that was amusing...

Tennis in Feburary, already counting down the days. Its the only good thing coming.
Hope to be better soon and see people... Bai.

The results in 2 nights and 1 day.
I'm not ready. I did my best. 
What if my best wasn't good enough? 


To me that would be the end haha.

Signing out.

X

Yay! I played tennis today with the evil ankle. It held out!
I was meant to play 2 hours, but Pierre (my tennis coach) extended it to 2 and a half hours. So at the end I was like 'Where are my feet?! I can't feel them!' You see, Pierre likes to get you running about haha. So yeah... I'm going jogging later. Lets see how far I can push myself...

Agenda for today. It's actually quite exciting for once!
At 5:30pm I go to the church. Not to pray... although I need to for the 24th! But to watch a music concert. And... about 80% of the people who know me know I LOVE the film Titanic. Well guess who's playing there? The guys with the violins and cello who were playing on the deck of the ship when it was sinking.
I am so excited! YAY! It's almost like when I got to touch a lifejacket from the filmset...

Now I sound like an old loser but... 5 days. 5 days left.
Why? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

The Subject is *Giggle*. Why? It's random.

So... I have decided that I'm fed up with the swollen mess of an ankle. And Tomorrow I shall be playing tennis. And the day after. And the day after that. Saturday will be a 3 hour session. Au Revoir resting! ... ... ... I've conserved enough energy these last few days to run to Pluto and back. Of course I would have to defy the laws of gravity first so...

I wanted a new challenge. So... I've got one. I am going to learn toplay the violin. I know it takes years of patience and learning, but I'm up for it! Bring it on baby! And.. I'm going to play the flute still (not whilst playing the violin at the same time ^~) and hopefully join the orchestra. So thats al good.

Plenty of nightmares related to the exam results on the 24th. Yep...
7 days.. 7 days. And everyone is doing the usual 'You'll get all A's. A*'s even. You don't evem need to try.'
I don't even need to try? What the hell do they think they're on about? People...

Got my hair highlighted yesterday. Blonde of course. Apparantly my natural hair colour is getting really dark. It's so unfair! I used to be a platinum blonde. AND NOW I'M FALSE <.< Its mouse hair naturally. I can't let go of the nice blonde lol. Someoneslap me... ... ...

So a few days ago I was playing tennis. Then WHAM my ankle is sprained.
And right before CERN <.<. I still went though lol. Nothing can keep me away from my Physics. It was amazing. And I understood it haha. And it's all the things I love. Some of the structures there we astonishing... beautiful... huge...
Going to Geneva was fun. Met this amazing guy. And with my luck of course he is in Geneva and I am in Wengen haha. So that was short. Geneva was alright... it was a city.. and a little creepy lol. Went to a fair. Won a sleeping teddy xD! Yay me!

So I'm back in Wengen. The ankle is black and blue and huge...
Pierre (Tennis coach) keeps asking and banning me from tennis. I have to say when it happened it was rather dramatic. I went as white as a sheet and crumpled to the ground haha. Then I nearly passed out. And the sprain is clasifed as extremely serious. BUt that doesn't stop me from hobbling round and doing the daily exercises here.

Nadal knocked out! OH YEAH.

Nothing to report except nothing.

oh 13 days til results.

HAHA, LOSER <..> I knew it all along...
Freedom... I say complete entire freedom.
Someone else's life is ruined. The curse has moved on. MERCI BEAUCOUP!

Well, today I decided to tempt fate and get one new school uniform for sixth form. I still need to get the grades to get in... but... touch wood!
Now, the chronicles of the uniform.

The JC sixth form uniform consists of a long black skirt, white blouse thing and an optional black sweater.
The skirt was great. Perfect fit and looks awesome. It's so floaty! XDXDXD
The blouse... the fit was perfect. Until it got to the bust. The buttons went up all the way until the bra kicked in. *Rolls eyes*. It was like being in a bad music video lol.
It's such a shame because it was fitting beautifully... <.< So I have to have it 'widened' at the bust area. When in the shop this woman who had to get the 'measuring tape' and shouted out to the entire shop and mall... "THIS GIRLS BREASTS ARE TOO BIG FOR THE SHIRT. MEASUREMENTS!"
I suppose its a good kinda problem to have if you look at it some angles... but seriously...

So uniform shopping was alright. Apart from that I've been oh so lonely... and I fly soon... the 19th...
Then... UK....

Random new Layout. I just liked the way it's organised lol.
I don't feel bound at all! Glad I settled that.

Holidays so far are okay. A tad boring... Wish someone were here so we could have fun. But no one is so... that's that!
Going to Switzerland soon.Then UK! I've been waiting so long, and finally the time has come... It's kind of ironic though... I've been wanting to go to UK for so long now, now that I have to go I don't want to go.

Well, the nightmares continue. I have two different kinds of nightmares at the moment.
a) It's GCSE results day, and when I get my envelope an axe murderer comes and is killing everyone before I can open my results lol.
b) Everyone I know is just dying away. They all have drained faces and just have skeletal frames. Haha... Freaky.

I am so lucky though. In late October I get to go to Switzerland and watch the Swiss Tennis thingy in Basel!!! ^^ I hope meh Roger wil be there ^~...
Annnd, the day is coming closer to when I go the Geneva and I can visit CERN and have my personalised tour <.

Finally cleared out my MSN and LJ stuff. It's neat and organised. Kinda.
So... I've just been playing FFVIII lately. Disc 1... Galbadia Garden. Stats:

Squall: Lv 52
Rinoa: Lv 27
Quistis: Lv 28
Zell: Lv 23
Selphie: Lv 22
Irvine: Lv 13.

I just got Irvine. I sound so... young talking about games like that again haha. But when no one's around, and when no one reads this its safe!

So... just to keep record, arguments have stopped between parents. Just silences and tense moments... well from me anyway! Hahahahaha... Not funny.

Switzerland in 15 days... TENNIS! My very own mini Wimbledon.

England out the world cup. Two words....

Ha Ha

And that's from someone from England =O!

Revision today consists of:

Geography,
Maths,
Chemistry,
Biology,
and English.

I'm going to go back and revise more Geog, Bio and Chem. Must do well!
Haha, it's scary to think that people may actually glance at these entries. Yeah...

Ooo today... I ordered in! =O How cool am I? Shang-hi wings (heaven). There's enough to last for 3 days ^^.

I have decided... not to be negative today. As of today, I am classsifying myself as confident! It was a laugh typing that I have to say.

Aww, it's so sweet... my dad is taking my mum to a ball on Wednesday...

I wish I could be taken to a ball.. But no one would take me. Alas.

<3

I watched a tape of a school play thats 7 years old now....
It had me, Dania, Sandra, Nora, Serene all in it... Talk about stir up old memories... It was a red indian play XD I looked to.. weird <.< And... me o.o!
Tomorrow is ICT mock. YAY.
And Parents Evening lol.

Yay!!!!!!!!
Contacts today! I am so excited... and this is so hard to update as its all in German hehe. But me being a multi-lingust and all its no problem. NOT! Wouldnt it be awesome to speak so many different languages fluently? Wow...
Anyway.. the train is arriving... fun!^
xxx
OOoo and it was my second skiing day today!!!! For thiss winter anyway.

3 days.
Then... FREEDOM

New LJ layout!!!
I lurvvveee Squallie :3
♥

Argh.
Seriously… if you were going to avoid me, you would think that you could do it a little more subtly?!?
Why? I don’t see that I’ve done anything terribly wrong.. except, heaven forbid be me!!! Its getting to be more than a coincidence now, that whenever I show my true colours and can be me. The person instantly just wants to have nothing to do with me. Not even to stay in the same area as me.
Do you know how much it hurts, when each time I sign onto MSN you sign off? I know its not just because I chose the wrong time. You don’t disappear every time like that. Never.
Knowing that you don’t want to speak to me is like having a dagger driven through my heart.. and then having you twist the dagger to widen the wound even more. God dammit… how the fuck can I always do this? It’s like a curse or something. I knew all along… but then there are some people who seem to lead a charmed life…
I am ugly. I am a nobody.. and its all being proven all over again.
It’s every time I’m beginning to feel like someone, this happens. If god isn’t try to show me something, then I really would like him to. =.=
Everything I want to be proved wrong about me, is proved right.
And I know people will say they are SO not avoiding you… but when they walked away from you when they see you, sign off MSN when they see you, and sit as far away as possible from you, you just tend to know.
I had a hunch, but no. I was told I was wrong. I think I’m right though.
I just wish now that I had the guts to go up to this person and speak my mind. A bit like Kat Slater from eastenders. But there’s just no chance of there is there?
Quiet little Laura wont say a word. AND THEY GOD DAMN KNOW THAT.
I’m such a push over aren’t I?! Even when I open up, I get walked over. Geez… Maybe I’m just really selfish… I don’t know anymore! Somebody… ANYBODY… just tell me the truth!
I wish that I could put on some knee high boots with 6 inch heels, a tight black mini skirt, a tight low necked leopard skin top and storm out of the house to this person just like Kat Slater would. Then I would have the guts to say how I felt, and I would get the something they have to say out into the open.
But looking at that, that will never happen. Will it? Not unless someone trained me haha.
I’m a bit like the original Little moraine Slater. I hide in the background.. scared of my own shadow. Won’t say a word in case of upsetting anyone.
Its amazing how much fun comparing yourself to Eastender characters can be. Everyone should try it.
If only I could brush my fears aside and talk my mind. Life may not be easier entirely, but so many burdens would be lifted up from my shoulders. There’s no denying that right? It would almost be like flying free for a while, until the next disaster strikes.
I want to know what its like to be as light as a feather, and to fly above everyone else… I want to know what it feels like to stand out… and not be the dim light that people only just notice when it flickers in the dark making a fuss.
Reading this, I know I sound so emo. But it’s the way I feel, and I don’t care what others think about me. I don’t care if they laugh at me.. sneer.. mock.. or jeer.
That doesn’t make me brave. It makes me the fool of the party.
Imagine existing on a planet with no pain whatsoever. Somewhere where everyone can go walking round with a smile 24/7…
No wars.. no fights for politics.. just perfection. But there is nowhere like that which exists. I’m wise enough to know that. I think so anyway.
But if there ever was a place like that, I definitely would want to go.

Moving on… yesterday was parents evening… and apart from the avoidance by one person, it was alright. It was the usual spiel. Oh, she’s brilliant. Wonderful. Delightful. My best student. I wish all students were like her. She will do great.
Even Mr. Aarons showered me with praise this time. I think there was something in the drinking water haha. Know what I mean?
But it was Mr. Stapley who was the nicest lol. And that meant a lot… especially since we had the whole issue with the private meetings and the letter. Writing that letter was so hard.. and when I found out that he had read it I could have died! But since then its been great really. And he’s even said that I’d made the right decision and he so made the wrong one.. so… a year or so later, here I am. And at this parents evening, he just said that I was like perfect. And the perfect candidate for A level physics and stuff. Which is great to hear, as its what I want to do. Physics is the best ever now.
I wish I was as successful in life as I was in Physics lol. W00t.
But… I hate it when all the teachers say that I’m going to do amazingly. It puts so much pressure and expectations on me. And I know that I cant meet them really o.O And then you’ve gotta be accepted into the next year… heeelllpppp….

12 days until my birthday.. No more needs to be said lol.

On a happier note… I’m going to try and show the world who I am inside.
And hopefully by doing this, I will be invited inside that door, outside from the cold and be embraced in the love.
I know that I can make it. I just need to take a deep breath and move on to a new happier act. Only this act will be true.
I’m going to achieve my dream and my wish, and become free from my burdens. I’m going to break free from my chains, and dance across the lands.
No one will be able to hold me down.
I will be the most beautiful gal around, and nobody will be able to hate me for my existence.
It’s just a matter of time now.

Just you wait and see.

Wh00p! Special day on 6th May :3 Mwuhahahahaha....

Arrrghhhh, how can someone say that they'll tell you something, and still have you hanging there for 15 days x.x
I'm patient, but now I'm just... aggitated. Obviously its bad news o.o And to make it worse, Dory is being suspiciously nice o____o
I'm seriously beginning to think that maybe I'm not even worth an answer =/. Nothing new there lol.

Well... mocks on next tuesday. Am I ready? No. Do I care? A little... Am I going to fail? Perhaps.
I'm too tired to even bother sometimes... I'm just waiting for that wish to come true. But of course it won't. Not for me.

14 days, 2 weeks, until my birthday.
4 wishes/hopes. And as it always goes... not one forfilled. I thought one was close. No two.. but niether have worked out. I'm still the loser that goes by the name Laura. I'm still that girl who people either ignore or just feel that I'm a waste of space.
I do have some precious friends though, but I feel as I'm a burden on their shoulders.. and I which I could relief them of the pain I put them through. So I'm sorry guys.
I so hate birthdays. It shows me that compared to so many people that I AM nothing. And I never will be one of those people that people remember. I've made NO impact in their lives. Because I'm just me, and that is boring.
To be honest, I really didn't think that I'd make it to this birthday. At times I thought I could just kill myself. (What a cheerful note). And I'm not just talkng about a little emo moment... I was so serious. Contemplating how to do it. But of course it is the cowards way.
Even if I turn out to be a loner who's career is road sweeping I just want to see what I'm going to become. Will anyone put themselves through the pain of marrying me? Will have a child? Will a be recognised at last? Will I be able to one day look into the mirror and see something to be proud of?

Life really is a trial at times. And you know that I'll always be the one guilty of not enjoying it. So yeah.
And at the moment, I'm just scared of life. It can take any turn at any time. You never know what your gonna get. Its like that quote from Forrest Gump:
'Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get.'
I personally hope that I'll get the caremel centered one o.o Although, if yout ink into that one, its not good lol. Tastey, but you get yourself into alot of sticky situations.
Another quote which i like to ponder about from time to time would have to be from Rinoa - FFVIII
'No one can predict the future. There are no guarantees.'
Life really has blind folded us all. We try to but out our arms and get a hint of ehats in store for us, but no one truly succeeds. You do have this people who believe that they can see into the future, but if they truly could, we'd be aware of so many things. And we're not.
We don't know who's going to come knockingon our door. We dont know when we're going to die. We dont know when the next natural disaster is going to strike... Nothing can help us see the future. EVER. You just have to live it and tell the story to your friends and kids later on in life. The only thing that we know is the past.
Comtemplating what life has in store for you is what alot pf people do. And ordinarily people predict the worst? Why? Well.. believe it's so that if they fall, they don't have to fall too far. Yeah...

My outlook on life is perhaps one of the worst of all.
I wake up in the morning, trudge to the mirror, and I can't even look into it without turning away. Whenever I look into the mirror truly don't know the girl staring back at me. I don't know what she's done, what she's achieved.. apart from being a failure.
I just long for that day for when I can look into the mirror and smile either because I feel proud to be me, or because I actually mean something to someone. I thought that day was coming soon. But as time has shown me, it won't. I have to suffer a while longer. God knows how long in total.

You know when you have suspicions about a friend you know? When you suspect that maybe they hate you secretly, or really just couldnt give a **** about you? Or that you think more of the friendship than they do?
I have one right now. And it's emotionally killing me.
Five days a week I see them. Five days a week I see them laugh with someone else. And each time its like someone is driving a dagger in my heart and twisting it.
I can just tell that they're happier when I'm not there.. so what do I say? Without sounding like Im trying to guilt trip them? *sigh*

Okay, like this whole entry, this is a little random. Thats because that's just the kinda person I am lol.
I just want to say thanks to all my friends that put up with me. I don't know how you do it quite honestly. When I look in the mirror, I know that i couldnt putup with myself.
My friends from school.. you guys are amazing. I've reread some of the notes taht some of you left me, and it brings tears to my eyes. You believe in me, but I'm so selfish, because I can't do the simple task of beliveing in myself.
You've all been there when I've fallen to the rock bottom. I hope that I can do the same when the time comes.
It was only last night where I was crying in my bed. In 2 weeks time, I'm going to be turning 16. for 4 years I've been damn miserable. I was hoping that a wish could be forfilled. But it won't. I was hoping I'd tuen into a somebody. But I won't. But one thing that I think I know is... that you'll all be there. Even at the times were I think you all hate me...
You couldn't even begin to imagine how paranoid and scared I've been for the past 3-4 years. And honestly, I'm still so scared and worried. I'm scared that everyone will hate me again... I worried that you'll find a reason to trash me..fear is around every corner for me.
Do you know what the hardest thing for me to do is? Walking into school. When I first ebter the doors to my locker. I'm scared that someone I care about will walk up to me and tell me to fuck off into obliviion. Or just ignore me totally and give me a 'look'. Then when comes to walking into the classroom I'm terrified. For aproxiamately 3 years its been exactly the same.. And still is.
I feel like I'm an outsider, looking into a window and everyone huggled together happy and loving. Whereas I'm there standing in the cold, nose pressed up against the window so alone. No one knows I'm there, and no one knows how I feel.
I feel that way almost ever day. The person who is just outside of the group in the cold. I'm scare dto open my mouth and talk in fear that I won't be heard, or that I'll just be dissed.
Sometimes I try to put on a brave mask... and people believe it.
Another thing is I just want to tell one person how I feel,a nd to have them belive me.. Hmmmmm... Hark at me whining.
You must all think I'm so selfish and pathetic.

I've spent a few of these past years just saying sorry for my existence. How stupid is that? But it can't go out my system. Ah well... Weird ol Laura.

Christmas is around the corner! I so want to do something special... I want to show some people how much they mean to me if I get the chance.Hopefully I will.
I can't wait to see the snow in Switzerland. It'll be so much fun. To be surrounded by a substasnce that is almost as cold as I am XD! Wha hoo! Yay for snow o.o
I just love the sound of the crunch when you walk on it. Hehe.Ohh la la.

Oh yeah... today at school was the singstar thingy. That was... interesting!! the most entertainging thing was Ms. Rainbows pole dance dancing. The shocked look on Mr Shorts face! Haha. She was such a... umm... [insert word here]
I felt sorry for the people performing because Ms. Rainbow so totally stole the audiences attentions o_o You couldnt help but stare lol.
Well. with a name like rainbow, what do you expect? It bets Smith anyway XD
Gawd I hate my name. Like the two most common names EVER O_O And the initials LES. =/ Ewwwwww... I'm a reject in person and in name! Shock horror! Hehe.

Don't you just wish that there were stars that you could wish upon?
If I could have one wish, I'm not quite sure what it'd be.. but I wish I could have a wish... Hmm...
Omigosh! One of the things I want to d before I die has to be to go on a cruise, and at the middle of the night liw on the deck and look up at the stars. Its never the same in a town or a city because there are so many street lights and you dont see many stars. But on a cruise... there would be SO many. Such a beautiful sight. And what would be even more beautiful would be to have someone there to share it with... *day dreams*
It's funny what you sometimes just think about really... Sometimes the simplest things can be the most beautiful.


One day, I'll spread my wings and fly.

Okies, news update.
As most JC peeps know.. well.. the people I told hehe, my mum is really ill =/. Its debatable (cant spell it <.<) whether she'll go to the hospital or not, but to cut a long story short, what with my dad with... the thing I can't pronounce and spell..pneumonia, and my mum who can hardly move without pain, I can't go to school tomorrow o.O
So, I'm sorry Charlotte >.< Sara >.< Zoe >.< Jenny >.< and Paul.. Chris, Rob etc...
Mmm... Although... you may see my mum later on as she insists on getting there somehow to pick up my books and report <.<;; So.. i don't know o_o She just doesnt want to wake up early.. and as she is doubled up with pain who can blame her o_o I just wish that she didnt have to go later.. its so unfair.. i swaer if I could drive myself to school I would lol. then I could go to the classes, pick up my books and my report =.=

So.. I owe major thanks to:
Lottie (For explaining to people and note stuff)- Oh and I'm gonna phone you tomorrow! I promise.
and Sara (For offering to get my report and put it in my locker)

And the deed was done today.. and I'm not going to be able to go in tomorrow and speak to him ;_; That means... phone call or MSN or e-mail before he leaves... fudge.

well, Micky you'll be pleased to know that I am going to live my life a little more on the wild side and take those risks. Where would I be without your 100% correct advice? XP Although I do remember that i was right about something once.. andy ou.. were... dare I say it.. wrong! hehe.
Speak to you soon on MSN.

Dont you hate it when you think you've secured a friendship, and then you haven't?
I swear.. LJ's a curse... May be moving onto a new one.. so yeah ^^.
Happenings today? : Nothing.
Just finding out the truth about some people haha.

Roger is winning!
But its raining ;-; So unfair... I cant wait for the final result... *holds breath*

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Hehe! Teh Swiss flag made up of kisses for teh Federer <333

Supporters, and non supporters... gather here MWUAHAHAHA.

If you want to see anymore of my LJ and exciting emo life, just comment here and I'll add you so that you can see my latest entries.
♥♥♥♥♥♥
<3
=^.^=